Emotions redefined yet again

Wish all of you read my latest post and comment there...
Your comments//criticism matter a lot to me...
Also go through the old ones if you liked it...

Awaiting comments....


http://mrdandmissx.blogspot.com/2011/11/die-in-your-arms.html





This page is also gonna have a new post soon.....
Keep visting
Thanks

Life is small, moments are brief

Emotions redefined between them.
The day things became vivid.
A little adulterated though

http://mrdandmissx.blogspot.com/2011/01/life-is-smallmoments-are-brief.html

New blog

Finally, iam able to distinguish reality and fiction from my daily routine.
I have launched this new blog so that i could write what all i could imagine


here is the link....
http://mrdandmissx.blogspot.com/

pls dont forget to post comments

Sweet Girls part-2

Back to my desktop after 6 months literally!!!!

a lot happened meanwhile...lets talk abt them in later posts. coming to the current moment,My eyes are damn sleepy at 11am in the morning.
This is called morning sickness caused by my neighbors stupid ugly idiot male or female or probably enuche dog which made the highest record of barking non-stop since 5am to 6am and broke his own record of yesterday's which was from 6am-6.45am.

I woke up and suddenly everything ran before my mind just like frames of memories that go back and point to a scene in the past like restoring memory for an amnesiac in b/w movies. You can imagine easily if you have watched the latest Prince of persia movie. ok i get that you get it.

I stopped at the visual of my sweetgirls part1 and i felt its been quite lagging n i must fill it up soon as if at all i end up writing 2girls each for 6 months, only 4 girls endup for an year and it would be far less to fill in about those sweet girls whose count is increasing day by day. I feared that i can only write less than 100 girls before 2012 or my hands get paralysed or i might go blind or get shot dead in 3rd world war or my babies flush my pc in toilet or people might quit using technology. ok. toomuch pessimism.

So here is the new girl or perhaps sweetgirl-3 "Sushma"

I donno when sushma became my friend but mom used to tell me that we both were together since kindergarden. Sushma looked like a tiny lil gilr who imagined herself as a fairy although she is not fair. She used to dress good. always coumber properly and tied a pony that would swing with her walk and the most interesting thing abt that pony is that it used to get curled up. oh common! dont tell me u never wondered such things in childhood.she had proper amount of kajal around her eyes and u dont beileve she always had talkcum powder properly done. She never misses that tiny black dot at the edge of her eye as to distract bad eye. probably her mom might groom her up to look perfect.

Sushma had an elder sister who is taller than me and sushma put togather. She was also of same complexion. She had some friends who are also of same complexion. No! im not being a racist here, but I have only this memory or perhaps the flash of memory remained when there was power cut. So for you, lets imagine they are all fair as fairies. happy??? All these big girls come to play with kids like us and used to guide us how to play diff games that involved running all along the street. Did i mention that our houses were at the opposite extremes of a street?. Well, we even had our lonely moments while playing in sand and building castles and truning them to temples eventually.

I never observed sushma properly untill my mom sent me to her house in 2nd class when i finally revolted against my parents and said "no! no tution any more! I wont go". She never had a tution. Her mom used to tute her in earlydays and later sushma studied by herself and always stood 2nd or 3rd in class. Till today i can find many people who would not agree that i always stood first in class until quarterly exams of L.K.G and then all those guys who are bigger and older than me joined in my class and have done politics and all and never made me stand top in school. Atleast thats the memory that went in peace with my mind and self esteem.

Yeah she is very soft girl. Always used to talk like a doll and she always know what to talk. Not that i donno, but!! She realy studied hard untill 8 or 9 everyday apart from home work where as my pencil lead always broke before i start up and that stupid kiran used to steal my sharpner daily. Sushma used to give me sharpner everyday. we were gud frnds at that time. but i still remember crying and cursing sushma when my dady held my spelling book n asked me why i wrote the spelling of "night" as "nite" and sushma wrote correctly.

Thats all i remember about her and there is a small poster of a baby that was stick to a wall in her house and when i asked about it, some1 in her family told that its sushma's pic when she was a year old. I always admired it untill i saw almost similar pic in saloons and hospitals. that pic looked something like this.

Once upon a time.........

This post too speaks about a real time experience I would like to share and shrug off from my brain..

A NIGHT AT THE NAWAB'S

Well...I donno why i fear some ppl might think my posts were too long and skip reading...this post might be some delight for them as it might not end that lenghty as far as my observation is concerned...lets see what happens....


ok now its flashback time....Dude...Im always in flashback...Its you who must go back....

Not every1 might have heard of this but for those who are around HYD could possibly recollect and for those who are lazy enough to go into flashback...i'll offer a little help...now look into this wirl for a while.................and rotate your head as my gif image is not rotating on blogger.

..................WELCOME TO THE FLASHBACK




A couple and a double of years ago...the famous DELTA FAST passenger train from REPALLE TO HYDERABAD(SECBAD) got hit by the floods and some serious accident happened.....Well lets take a look at the pic so that some of you might recollect....

Yeah now better you remember forever.
It was a tragic accident. My bro-in-law was supposed to be in that train if he hadnt changed his mind in the last minute to go by bus.

No, this is not about him or anyother guy on the train. This is about me...always about me...

ok..So you might pretty well understand how the tracks have been damaged. It took almost two months to restore the most happening track as mostof the southern trains connecting hyd travel on these tracks only.

Poor me!!!!
Those were the days i have recently joined BTECH. It was probably 3months after my admission when i was home for a small vacation and have to attend colg the next day.

opening scene......

curtain raised...... Track restoration is in progress and al the trains have been traveling in some other route....

So i went to the station and got the tickets a couple of hours before the departure. I got into the full packed..typical indian style south passenger train...At this instant, i strongly point out that passenger trains in south are much cleaner and decent compared to north. Here its not mandatory to chew tobacco and puke allover the train...And moreover people doesnt travel in large groups where everything right from the cigarette..oops..beedi holed clothes to vassels and stoves all tied randomly to each other and attack the train for seats following the orders of some untidy leader where we can indulge ourselves in the magical perfume of CHINY KHAINY or the famous MC(manik chand) (sorry for spel errors)......This is pretty debatable and im not hurting any regional people..its just the lifestyle diff between people who travel in general class in north and south...there are a hell lot of issues with the south Indians too...so no fights..weall are Indians...

peace...no arguments...all are equal...god loves every1...but seriously, dont you think the masses of north are a bit more dirtier than that of south?.....lol....................;P

Coming back..the train is packed...i am with my native neighbor girl whom i used to call "didi" but eventually stopped later..;P...Her mom said the train arrives at hyd almost the same time as we get on the normal train on the regular track...

My normal train is INTERCITY..it starts at 1pm from my town and reaches hyd by 7pm on regular basis...from that hell packed city traffic...it becomes 10pm for me to reach my hostel where my wealthy filthy retired owner pretends that he is at my service 24/7 and make his poor...old...good wife to serve food for me when she is sound asleep...see im a good man..So i used to have HAKKA NOODLES on the road beside my hostel...that guy needs a mention too...he serves yummy noodles for 10rs per plate which could be full for two healthy eating fellas...

Yeah...I got in train at 1pm and it was pack...fully pack..All hanging guys are falling on my neighbor girl and we shift places so that those guys fall on me...see im good again...Had some husk with her...took her phone and teased some of those poor guys who made up to her contact list....harasser the rest with my just acquired fastest smsing skills. Disturbed some fellow passenger and inquired abt their career...one common point with all of us is....every1 must attend to work the next morning...obviously...lol...

So the train reached station on time ......my foot!!!!!..........Its now 10.20pm. This neighbor girl's room was nearer and hence she left..I cant stay at her's as going back to hostel in early hours too is hectic. I am determined to go my way...I took out my nokia 1800 moonlight series and checked the drafts...in which i had saved the MMTS train timings from imp stations....The last train to my place is at 10.30pm....wow...so i ran to the ticket counter and put in the money..the guy is half asleep and said the train has left by 10pm and closed the counter just before my eyes...

I have no other option except to go by bus...Here my 15kg luggage bag needs a mention....Im kinda psycho guy...When ever i travel...i tend to carry all my clothes so as i can have the freedom to choose whatever i wanna wear....I had no idea of city properly and im not that kinda guy who disturb relatives at that hour....My train left me on the 9th platform and the ticket counter is on 10th..and the bus shelter is after the first exit.i.e 1st platform...So i walked all the way..climbed..declimbed..walked a mile and finally am on the road when i could clearly hear the announcement "MMTS TRAIN TO THE ******STATION IS READY TO LEAVE FROM PLATFORM NUMBER 10"......yEAH.....Dats mine.,....ghrrrrrrrrrrrrr

well....unlike other trains, these local trains are not well maintained and their announcement is often unknown to the staff sitting before mics...I don't blame his ignorance..but I really felt like...ghrrrrrrr
He could have at least told me thers a train and he donno the exact timing etc etc......its no way i could get the ticket and catch it....I cursed myself and moved on

Before searching for my bus shelter, some brilliant idea has struck my master mind...That noodles wallah too will be gone by the time i reach hostel..so it would be great if i get some food parceled as eating right there might waste further time.....I walked into the opposite cafe...It is warm inside..I felt great...It is packed too....everyone smoking or eating.....I looked at the menu...thought paratha would be easily made but had to order chapati as the guy said paratha is over....

For gods sake or my worst...It took almost 30mins for me to get my parcel and walk away...That moment i understand..this day is not going to be easy...............The direct bus to my hostel is no where visible...So i convinced myself to travel small distances at one go...Its perhaps a Muslim area.......When i bought the ticket and put in my pocket, Ive realized that I was only left with 10rs change...I have some cash around 20000+ all 1000rupee notes in my bag....I have to pay some bills etc etc...I coudnt dare to open my bag and take out a singe 1000rs note without being seen by any1...I though i can do it once i getdown as some1 might notice dat and track me down and steal.............lol

I got down.... but trust me......Muslims work hard..I can say this as most of the guys are returning home at 12am..So i couldnt takeout cash now...shops were all closed..couldnt exchange either///

I am waiting for an auto that would take me to my place....But Most of them were traveling only to near by places....I stood there waiting and waiting.........roads were almost empty except a few night riders like me....Its almost 1am by now

Suddenly a pale, faded, blueish green colored old van stopped just before me and it is going a bit near to my place..i got into it rushing along with all those people thinking i could find some transport once i get down as its not much far from there..

I was adjusting myself and the moment i sat comfortably along with 10 members in the back...the driver got out and shut the back door shouting..not to open the door.....It was all black..literally dark...I could see nothing..Its kinda weird van...... i couldn't see where the driver is heading...All that i can see is some 5-6 red fire like things glowing and moving around me....
I was terrified by then....Al though i could assume they were smoking..no1 is talking..no1 is getting down...i couldnt see where iam...Just imagine...
All kinda weird thoughts started to scare me...I might get kidnapped...or perhaps robbed and killed....kinda thoughts...Nothing new..but something what we often read in a metro newspaper.......(a young graduate found dead.....a boy kidnapped....a girl murdered in suspecious circumstances etc etc...)I was new to city and i know pretty well that some ppl here could do anything. My heart beat raised although i didn't show any signs of panic. however thers no way one can see my emotions in that dark...;P..The most terrifying idea was not abt getting kidnaped or killed...But about the latest smuggling things going on...I just had a vision of police opening the backdoor with their torch fading away the darkness and find some criminals or smuggling goods and arrest me along with the remaining....In that case, i had no way to escape as i am looking no diff to them after a day's journey with the face of deprived hunger....and moreover you could imagine my geekish dressing style on a regular day as i have mentioned previously....

Suddenly the van stopped and some1 opened the door....not the police but the driver...some people got down and now i stareted to observe pretty clearly all my surroundings to find any suspicious things...Before i finish my observation..door got closed and its dark again....This time i didn't worry much as we are heading to my place...FInally the door opened again and it is my last intermediate stop..I got down and paid off my last 10rs note......


I am standing on the road all alone when the time is around 2am....No cash in hand..No1 moving around....no balance in my cell.....Standing all alone on that godforsaken stop for some more time, I started to walk around to see if anything is open...on the road ahead,there is a tube light and when i reached there, It is open...

I never heard anything with the name of 24-hours internet cafe till then...It also has some battery services and hence the shop keeper might got an idea to use those night hours for running a cafe....on the flip side.... he could use net when he gets bored.....;P.....It is pretty cozy with 4-5 cabins and he is a decent guy of age around 25years....Some how he readily exchanged my 1000rs without any hesitation when i explained my situation....Thanx to him...He looked like a life saver at the moment in that unknown place....I returned back to the stop thinking humanity is still alive in metros.....;P

Finally managed to get an auto around 3am and had to walk around 1km for my hostel....again alone at that hour where the only things i could here are the dog barks and patrol sirens. reached my hostel gate where a herd of dogs and their puppies blocked my path as if i were a thief. The big gates were locked from inside and i felt bad to disturb that old couple at that hour....So i decided to climb the gate....

Yeah..The gates were exactly like this with walls double the height..All i can do is to climb them and jump....I threw my bag inside first...It landed with a THUMP sound....... i Started to slowly climb till the top.....suddenly....Dogs started barking...bhow bhow!!!!....Fear or imbalance or nervousness or lack of strategy......any small error with those sharp arrows would only leave me hurt at private parts.....I couldnt hold myself when i have reached the top of the gate...SO i had to jump suddenly with out maintaining proper angle and strenght in the right direction.....and the reslut is....


I didnt land at all....I remained in air....only Then i could understand what had happend actually...One of that poking arrows hooked through the back part of my shirt and I was struck to it....I tried manyways to hold up and climb back but i couldnt....Dogs started barking loudly.... with the fear of waking every1, I implemented my final do....I took all my strenght in weight and jumped hard on myself and finally....... fell on the ground......My favt shirt was completely torn by then....Luckily my flat door is open and i just sneaked in and closed the door.....Ate chapati and slept in warmth before any1 could notice......

curtain down....



Al though in these 4years , i had spent whole nights on the roads without being worried eventhough i was alone...that first scary nightout remained as one the most thrilling experiences in ma life.....

uffff.....this post too went terribly long....sorry guys.........lol..................bye..........;P

Whilst a Wishlist............

Hmm....valentines day!

Ended pretty sad and I was ultimately broke from what all the angles one could have.....
Im not a love failure....But everything was terrible now.....

At this moment, i must really bring myself out..cheer up myself...lets see how i shal do it and try doing similar when u r in similar situation....

These are some of the things which i wish to be accomplished in future....


DO..................

yeah! as the title says..I wana DO these thing atleast for a while in ma life time..before i die...I often wonder why i have been talking abt death too much...well...I even feel im gonna die with in 10years..lets see in near future whether i have sixth sense or im just some psycho kinda guy...If at all i die in 10years...some1 pls comment to this blog stating that I have sixth sense...oHh noooo..why im going sad..again...common..cheer...refresh....rightclick..refresh..f5..refresh...hmmm...


BUNGY JUMP..................'
yeah...this is perhaps the first thing i wana do...strange..I find some similarities with a situation in ma first post...Or in deep down somewher in my heart i really wanna figure it out how it would be like falling down from a top in practical?....or im too adventurous with in?.........

Actually It has been long wondered that i cant do this stuff..but later...When i learned to be experimentative, this came to my mind first..Pretty exciting...free falling and more over safe too. I started to search this stuff in south india as soon as i first broke...wonder why i wana have a bungy jump when im upset...I guess i wana feel that my life is in my hands..im the leader/controller of my life and to reactivate my self hope.

Sky diving......

Its like climbing a new higher step after you have reached where you wished first...If i could bungy jump..then giving this a try is absolutely logical....

Now dont think that im gonna planing to suicide by not pulling the glider and hit the ground...Firstly its very costly so i wana see how it feels like and dont wana lose half the money worth joy...Secondly..I would not be allowed to jump alone unless im an expert and posses some certificates....Well this is something im still scared yet..but on the other day I saw an indian producer girl of my age has been doing this twice ........So i've made up my mind..if at all a girl do that why cant i...now dont mess me abt girls equalities with boys...both are great at diff diff aspects and a message for fighter girls "if you think women are greater than men and can do many stuff...just stop taking seats offered by boys in public transport and stop forming a second line of women wher there must be no seperate queue....just keep fighting with men in queues and seats as you fight for the abilities of women"

INDIAN sword fight

I insist..the INDIAN one...Although i like watching french,english and Chinese..Im an indian to the core and i especially feel our sword fight is much hard, dynamic and artistic as well as powerful...Its sad that this art is no more available in most parts of india...on the contrary side..films having such sequences often ask the actors to learn and they feed those teachers....In near future..if I have litle mony and time, I would go to kerala and learn it......who knows..one day i might become the teacher for a million bucks actor(actress..;P)


Walk along the cliff...

Yeah...This one is influenced from films...absolutely true...When i see people walking on the cliff or a plane traveling along the cliff edge...I used to wonder how it feels like....This has a sub aspect too...I always wonder to stay in a cloud when its raining...Now dont ask stupid logical technical qsns..I just wana see how it would be like in a cloud that is raining and got struck in the cliff top...
This might not be fulfilled any sooner as mountain climbing needs lot of practice and im that much lazy to start a blog after pondering almost 8months doing nothing ....not even thinking....


Bale dance.......(ballet)

Now dont tell that this if for girls...have you gone blind,,thers a boy too and its much hard for boys to do ballet as being that tough to lift a woman as well as being that lean to match her figure and being that felxible to look easthetic is a BIG DEAL...ok now for all those who think ballet is easy...just bend your toes to make it appear as a straight line from the ankle....walk like that for a while...now jump and set back in the same posture....so.....what say!!!!!
There is a strong reason why i wana learn this....excluding the fact that its awesome..its verymuch expressive and intimate...i can show off the whole world that i love her..i can protect her..I can match up with her moves...Although men dont like it much to show off love...his girl would be so proud and happy...So i though of doing this for my girl exclusively.... i guess this is not available in a professional way in india and such arts are not appreciated by the masses...I might probably learn abroad or if at all i fall in love with a bale dancer, she can teach me for free...in bonus..i dont have to teach my girl again...wow..money..effort and time shall be saved...Oh common..Accept that im smart than you...;P





Telescopeeping....

Yeah..I invented that word...you need to pay me royalty if at all u wana use it. I always love spying..since childhood..SO i wished to have a telescope when i moved to a city to study lifes of people in a bulding..But in india glass walls arent much IN. sO I might do it when i live abroad in a city.....I wana keep a record of each family livingthere.. frndsvisiting.. parties.. occasion... affairs(if at all i found luckily) etc etc

pls dont call me peeping tom...i dont wana see them making love..although i would not stop seeing if suddenly a couple start making love...but genuinely im not intrested in dat stuff...(im a boy and believe me at your own risk..;P)..turst me..i sware on your pet's aunt's mother..i have no such intentions...im a good boy...


ATHLET BODY....
yeah..dats beckham....
I dont wanna be a macho body builder who doesnt fit in a car..Im not anyfan of beckham either...As i mentioned earlier..one must be sleek to perform ballet and athlet body is like something normal and natural rather than eating 100eggs a day and working 200hours in gym and taking protein supplements to puff ur body with hollow stuff...If i put it simply..I WANT A HEALTHY..FIT..FLEXIBLE..SEXY BODY that looks just normal when you wear a shirt.

Im soon going to shift to this hairstyle too as my hair is falling off. This lenght of hair is normally stiff and dont fall of and doesnt need much grooming.... before you wonder..i'd rather clarify that..NO...im not gonna tatoo like him..firstly..im not comfortable with tattoo..secondly...its unnatural...If at all i wish to have a tattoo, i prefer my personal 2D barcode which can render my name,address etc and could come handy when i go GAJINI or just have a small "OM" on my arm...thats it...


Friendy designer...

not trendy..its friendy..yeah..you read right....Actually i always wished to become a designer..A FASHION DESIGNER ofcourse...Its more over like a hobby or interest rather than a goal or passion...Well..i dont make any trends but i groom myself &my frnds to appear as if "hey..he looks nice today!!" type guy on spl occasions...but on a regular day...i dress out like a complete geek..thats out of point now..anyway...

So my wish is to make it a bit professionally or perhaps seriously....I wish to design myfrnds some cool party outfit if he/she notifies me and just gift them that in need. They rely on me as well as feel proud abt me and themselves too....They show off....Its like the word spread and all my close friends will remain in contact with me forever...

Just imagine, on a close frnds gathering,everyone is wearing what i've designed and when one asks what you are wearing..all of them just shout "ITS FROM Mr.D's COLLECTIONNNNNN"....lovely..isnt it?...aHHH...I got tears.....;)

WORK for an orphanage....
I dont wana visit some orphanage..gift those kids..and spend a day in an year..I wana supply their needs..I wana work for them partime...they must feel excited when i come...I dont wana buy chocolates for making them happy..I wana buy them some great books..show them good movies...tell them inspiring stories....groom them so that they shal do something similar in future....simlpy i wana make them live...and let live...


Hmm...

All these are my wishes for now...
Lets see how many could be turning true...
Lets see what god has put in my surprize lifebox....

keep looking here for any status of such fulfilled wishes..and prey god..if you wish to make my wishes come true and wish what i wish shal remain nomore a wish.....

im damn sleepy by now...so...pardon me any mistakes or errors....


pls..plss...plsss coment......if i dont receive comments...how shal i know i must proceed or not?

Burst out Day........

Im a little bit happy and satisfied since a couple of days and couldnt find time for new posts.....Any how...Woke up late..had a little breakfast and ran to see the most awaiting film "YUGANIKI OKKADU". Accidentally I've read the whole story the day before when I was trying to get a review. After long time,I went to watch a movie, buying tickets in black as my friend insisted...Although I just find my seat, I was unable to relax as I felt the tickets might be fake and some1 might just arrive and say "hey dude!, those are our seats!!!"

slowly the titles got started and I was feeling a bit sleepy due to lack of sleep( lack of care to sleep)...eyes are dried and I may fall asleep any moment...But as we all know..one cant sleep when one is hungry.....yahhh..Im damn hungry as i couldnt find time to take lunch before this matinee show. The view of that 35 mm screen from this box appeared to me like a small 14inches TV in the corner of your living room.

As the movie goes...all the pain has gone ..I giggled chuckled and smiled and even laughed..yah...great comedy in the first half..pretty adultrated but not at all vulgar..Story and graphics were cool..Although I worried a little bit about the second half as most of these kinda films like anji..magadheera..arundhati entertains only in the half of the movie and the second half might be regular...

I found myself in the edge of my seat during some scenes in the second half...I still have goosebumps when ever i remember...This was pretty bold film although it might be partial fiction...Is there anything bolder than showing a mother's breast which could only spill blood as there was no food for her to produce milk to feed her son?...I dont think so..........................Hats off to the guts and dedication of the director.....


Well..... this is a post about me..not about the movie.....The concept of a LEGEND coming true was my most fascinating thng....I liked the movie 10000bc just for that... LEGENDARY events comes true with realtime events which are eventually similar but materialistically different....Those people who were normal till that day suddenly realizes who they are and why they are born for....

This is what I strongly believe one day will certainly happen to me...This might be a fantasy but who cares!!!!! especially when i believe in it!!!!....this has some serious contribution with my socio-philic ideas like.. I wana sacrifice my self for the better being of Humans around me( pretty exclamatory..but kinda true thing)...perhaps this is the reason why those tiny little tears swing around down my eyes when I see some person doing similar things in movies or in real life too...

This is one of the strongest reasons why I have least interest in working for money(software jobs)...Sorry i couldnt find anything humorous today...But Im going pretty serious and critical in downlines....Come back when you are serious if you are not so now...


Every1 is born for some purpose...really!.........lets see

eternal love material guy----one guy loves a girl..He helps her..he admires her..he work hard for her...he could even fight his friends for her..He might even abandon parents for her...he will marry her and make her happy....he could even bring back her boyfriend and walk away silently hoping he wil be happy as long as she will be happy.............hellow....This may happen viceversa too...

All that he cares in his world is his girl/wife and nothing else matters to him...


Selfish guy---when you both are alone,he thinks for himself..when you live in a house, he thinks for his room...when you are watching a movie, he admires only the hero of his caste although others are equally brilliant...Modern society demands selfishness...Dare to deny me! Every1 has to be 1% selfish..If he eat for himself..he can feed others....but society makes him 99% selfish...he eat for himself snatching from others...

selfishness is like AIDS...its easy to spread..but hard to unspread...lets see two anologies here..

Glass A is pure water and glass B is pure water...glass c is spoiled water and when its spilled into glass B it spoils all the pure water in glass B...If glass B is spilled into glass A..it becomes impure too....just as AIDS spread in humans...

A girl cheats her boyfriend and one day dumps him..can he be as normal as nothing has happend? can he choose another girl again? can he trust her as much as he trusted the first one...This is the ultimate selfish lesson the first girl has taught...She told him to first think for him self..dont let others dump him...dont give them that chance again...done trust them that much...dont love them that true...

AIDS has no cure...But glass B can change its water and become pure again...So as we.. with little effort, you can empty your bad experiences and be normal again...Luckily, Selfishness has a cure...

Its same as that you have got some stupid email from your friend saying that if you forward it to 10 members, you will have goodluck in 3days..if you ignore..badluck for life time...Most people forward it not just because they want some good luck..They dont beleive forwarding message can bring them some good luck..But due to the fear of badluck that may come if they ignore it...Well if you dont believe in good, why scare for bad...Its like you are scared of ghost but you dont bother for god...

forwarding such messages wastes time and money not only for you, also for the others and If you have done that, Your friend will find that supportive and do the same......Similarly if you become selfish..your friend will think that if you could be selfish why cant he be?....so the chain of selfishness grows..

just break the chain...stop forwarding such stupid emails just because you think you may get badluck...stop being selfish just because you fear you may become poor..



Selfless guy---some1 who does things just for the sake of people around...just for status or prestige...he cant think unique..he cant think himself...some1 who is intended to follow others...

Every mammel must have followers...If all the ants go as they like, they cant collect food...If all sheep go random, they cant survive.....

There must be some followers...but modern society came out with wrong directions to follow up. lets see.....

A software engineer is enabling lots and lots of people to include computers in their daily activities by making easy interactions and operations resulting in higher manufacture of computers. For this, he use energy, metals, gases...He makes money...he buy a land..cut trees.make furniture....build homes and offices. Can he recycle it back?......NO...But shelter is a necessity....

But are those unrecyclable classy paints,glossy Leather clothes and bassy plastic decors necessary? There are millions of software engineers still working day and night to enable more computer usage and productivity.... consuming natural ores..cutting forest and killing animals....

Following what most people do was once ethical but now its grown unethical and moreover criminal...(This is also a reason why i dont wana work in this field)

You make money...launch stores...raise prices...show up profits...But...if you make 50rs profit by raising the price of an apple from 10rs to 60rs by selling in a branded store, you are snatching an opportunity for the 10rs guy to eat an apple..... this is what happens in cities where the poor almost forgot how an apple tastes....

We can simply say humans torture humans...you are your enemies...Well im not human and dont wana be human anymore..........lol.......;P

Stop decorating your home spending an amount that a poor family could live for an year. Stop buying funky gadgets and clothes just because they are stylish. Prevent the explosive production of unrecyclable goods.

Start using recyclable products...Start choosing eco-friendly careers like farming and breeding etc etc( Im seriously thinking abt this option)

stop turning nature in to money...You cant eat buildings when there is no food...you cant breath "ecash" when there is no air...

struggling guy---The one who struggles with wrong society..who struggles with himself..
These people fight for people around...for their living...for their happiness...for manking...for nature...for life...for earth...They stop following when they find the path unethical....they make their own path...they set the trends...they fight...they sacrifice..they die.....but they lived in an era...born again soon for the same purpose...

just as a society needs some selfishness.......it needs some struggle too to go in the right path....

I feel I was born to be a struggler and was sleeping all the way till now..Although It seems i have opened my eyes, Im still strugling about what its like...how to deal...how to help...im struggling with myself...Im struggling to fit in...Im struggling to follow...Im struggling to live...Im struggling to die........


I dont wana do a regular money earning career as i fear i may become selfish first to gather money.....selfless next to obtain a luxory house/fancy boat and ultimately endup as an eternal love guy to marry a girl and settle in ma life forever....bore kids and raise them just like every1 does in this society...........


I still dont know how i gonna settle down...how i gonna endup..how capable iam to fight against....
If you have anything to suggest this poor guy.......you could be doing a great favour,,,,,,,,,,,


Im not saying all this because, i just saw some movie........The strenght of the story tied all those small threads to become one big logical thread which i have been struggling to manage since the day I realized that i have no intrest for such unethical career and wanted to end up my education in 4th year.........


My eyes are literally bleeding after almost 24hours of no sleep...........gudnite.......

Boys will be boys..........

Im pretty irritated by now with my mouse and its left button..If we click once, It does twice thrice or how many times it would like….So when we click minimize, It will minimize and maximize again..vice versa…one might ask me…”Dude! Why you need to minimize..always leave maximized?” well , if I keep it so, I will have the worst case……if I close a single window…all the opened windows behind it, no matter how many, will simply get closed and ultimately end with my desktop before I realize what has happened……..IRRITATING………

Today, I wana start with the last words of my previous looooooooonggggggg blogpost…”boys will be boys”…Although every1 knew such stuff…let me put in my way……

I don’t wana discuss about the stuff right from the young age as I would be giving some glimpses in my “sweetgirls”episodes which you have read below.

Lets start from the ending years of schooling…With the start of teenage..Actually none of them knew what is teenage before they were 13 although they heard the word. Its an age of hormonal growth…

Pretty scary for a teenage boy when he realize, hair has been started growing around many parts so rapidly……At this point, I blame the society for being so female centric….YES…female centric………Every woman know about the stages of development in a female body and there are 100s of advertisements and lectures allover going on that even a 10year boy knew what happens to a woman when she is in teenage…..what about poor boys?..........no one knows what’s going on and no one ever tells him stuff…pretty scary….

Let me share an instance………….I has hair growing on my legs rapidly when I was in high school. I was scared and some how one idiot of my class noticed it and said “Dude! Why don’t you shave your legs…I always do…lot of us do..dats why we don’t have hair on legs unlike you”…I thought he was right…that’s the reason I have been hiding my legs wearing long socks etc etc….

I went home …took my dad’s shaving kit…applied some lather from ankle to toe..and held my razor close to the skin with an angle shown in “GILLET READY SHAVER ADD” and moved downwards gently like “Katrina in VEET ADD”…………….LOL……………AMAZING!!!!!!!..all hair is gone in that path…..I felt very happy…With double excitement, I put some extra pressure while repeating the same and Ahhhhhhhhh!

I cut my skin…The razor smoothly went deep down almost a centimeter cutting of my skin. I was scared to see white flesh inside and before I figure what has happened, Blood(water) falls started and I end up with a deep scar which I tried very hard to hide from my parents till two years since…

Cutting those strong hairs around mouth often with scissors and checking in the mirror was horrible was horrible…Although I have never done it, what if some1 attemps the same shaving thing with moustache? There must be some guidance..fathers..elders should talk to kids about these matters…

The main reason for this panic is due to the different time zones for each individual to mature and the one who matures first faces a night mare…

Terrible horrible and scariest experience a boy might have when he has his first “wet dream”. It was just same as one coughing blood in the middle of night. The latter is pretty better as every one is ther to support you and there is a medicine. The former is worst…There are 200000 adds made for woman’s problems daily and some 10 million products being made for their convenience. Are there any products in the market to help out guys in puberty?….No one cares..frankly..no 1 knows…It is not a joke that almost all the girls who read this post gonna check this thing in internet as they never heard of it….

Ok…..moving on from this female centric society…………

Slowly this teen guy got habituated to his changes and start to observe girls in his class….Starting point of a disaster….yes..Looking at woman is hazardous in many ways….She may hate him..She may even slap him…he may fall in love(crush) with her….he fight for the rights of a lover boy with all those guys in class and on street who also have a crush on her while she already have a boyfrnd at home…he looses friends…might even have wet dreams and finally his studies gonna get dumped….

Seriously!....All this might happen…But do any1 tells all this in advance? No…………look around..how many guys were roaming on roads with spoiled education due to girls…I also blame GOD for making a boy like this…this is a serious issue…No boy voluntarily becomes like this..It happens naturally…

Let me share another example…I don’t look at woman..Im too shy when I was young..lol…I used to talk but I never used to look… as I said, I think like grown ups….any way……...a couple of years ago I was standing in the busstop waiting for ma bus innocently………a girl came….ahhhh..not exactly a girl…A jumbo animal we can assume came…..I don’t really knew her age…might be 12..21 ..or 3001…I suddenly looked her when some flash from her body disturbed my eyes….nooooooo..she is not an angel!!!!!!.she has some shining embroidery work done around the neck of the salwar she was wearing. To show that up, she picked some really see through “chunni” which seemed like an oil paper….fine….I was amazed to she what flashed on my face…her chunni was woven with color less thread in one side and some shiny silky thread on the other side..It was damn shiny and I was looking open mouthed for its spark and freshness………….

Suddenly I saw her hand adjusting her chunni and I realized she noticed me when I was observing her…She kinda cursed me in her mouth..Probably some gaali……Trust me… hyd girls are no less while uttering gaalis when compared to boys anywhere in the world. She moved some steps towards me with a face of anger and helplessness as if she was vijaya shanti and I was a rapist and passed beside me covering all her hhhhuuuuggggeeee body with that poor thin see through chunni and vanished…..

Why she had to wear that stuff if she cant bare people looking that..not only that girl..most of the girls today do the same..

Message to girls “if you wana show off…enjoy people seeing you..For god sake..pls stop behaving like sati savitri while wearing tight jeans and catchy sparkling tops….”………….pls.pls.pls.psl

With that message, I end my episode..lets meet in the sequel…..

Sweet Girls part-1

Its a known fact that when dieting, people find it hard to control their cravings and all of sudden start eating double amount of food.I never do that. Instead of eating stomach full of food that hardly has 300 calories, I run to a shop and buy some really big delicious chocolate food which has only 1000 calories. I ate a full pack of raisins in just 2mins yesterday and now I am very sad since I saw the shopkeeper next house locked the store just before. All I could find after desperate searching is a bottle of frozen honey in my refrigerator.

I plowed, I dug, I sliced and extracted some frozen honey into a fancy cup so that i can feel im having a dessert at least. Thinking deep about what i must write today, I put the first spoon in my mouth. BITTER SWEET.AWE FUL SWEET.TERRIBLE SWEET ufff! put all those negative adjectives aside and just understand that its SWEETEST SWEET. Then something flashed in ma mind.Why shouldn't I write about the sweet persons in my life!!!!!!!


So i started to remember right from the state I could remember anything. All those persons turned up were only girls. Why there are no sweet guys in my life..??? It might be like... guys are not meant to be sweet (especially with guys???). There are a few good boys but none were sweet. For some reasons, I dont think its ethical enough to put the names of all the girls. So some names are nicknamed..and some girls are not given place in this as they are still in ma life and will be writing about them in the sequel for this post after a decade.


The first girl I could remember is "budigee". This is her nickname...her original nickname..I donno her name as It was a kinda nursery and every1 was called with the names parents would call them at home. Infact nobody even knew what was their actual name till long time. I personally realized the correct spelling of ma name in 7th standard..............;P.... I was 4years when we used to stay in a small village as my mom had to work in a local school there and I was sent to a small tution like thing where a dark teacher used to teach numbers, alphabets etc etc to kids like me......Budigee was a very sweet girl. She always had her nose and eyes running and the path of flowing liquids was quite vivid on her face when she stopped crying. She is dark and never ever did anything our teacher ask to do. She is not any rebel..She just cant understand what teacher is speaking and what the hell are called numbers 1 to 10. She was always engaged in her world and used to burst out when any one tries to disturb that world.

I sill remember budigee didnt understand what teacher asked to do and couldn't even reply properly on that day. Teacher got sick and kicked her as usual but that too couldn't help. That day teacher was probably in a bad temper and she was to teach budigee a lesson...an unforgettable..scary lesson.......She ordered the eldest guy...(me) to execute her orders.

I had to put budigee in a shelf and close it........................(sounds pretty scary!!!!!). Dont worry much. It was a shelf that is similar to the size of a wardrobe. I had to put in her ther and close the two big doors.........(scared again!!!!)..those were meshed doors..a complete see through---here through--breath through--cry through doors. But The scariest thing is our tuition room always used to be dark and this shelf when closed is a way too much dark................the moment i started to move towards budigee she started to escape..but rest of the kids caught her up on the teacher's orders. I was always very excited to follow her orders and this task was over whelming to me at that instant. I caught her hand and put the other hand around her body and slowly lifted her an inch above with all my strength and started to move towards the shelf. I put her down before the shelf...Its like a proverb that you can take the horse to a pond but you cant make it drink water...........I cant simply put her in the shelf like dat!!!. i tried to lift her again and tuck in....But she didn't shout..she don't know how to shout infact. she was looking at me with tears flowing like waterfall....My excitement vanished and i started to feel uncomfortable. But im helpless...teacher encouraged a few more kids to help me and some how we managed to make budigee sit in the shelf. Toughest part was to close the doors...and budigee is really panic stricken by now and pleading with her tear tired eyes but couldn't speak any words as she was crying. I finally closed the doors with least interest and ......................and..............i don't remember anything thats it....but i think teacher opened the door after an hour......

although budigee was dumb..she was very sweet and innocent...I guess she might have kids of that age by now....




Second sweetest was "prasamsa"...i don't think that's the right spell..its a Telugu word that means "praise" in English............she was a christian...she is fair....chubby cheeks..curly hair and fairy gown type girl..She was my class mate in U.K.G....i always used to notice people keenly and the uniqueness of prasamsa was the sweat on her nose...She always had a few drops of sweat on her tiny nose and it was like dew on the grass........

She was calm and very play full...we used to sit next to each other and have fun all day in the class until one day I pop up that question......what question?....yeah..THAT....("will you marry me?"..................!!!!!!!!!!!! )
I was always a grown up some how.At least i think like the grown ups....I might have seen a movie or something but i was pretty serious in asking....I said..."when we grow up we shall marry and always play like this and have fun..will you marry me?".................(seriously!..i meant it).....she didnt tell anything that day and we continued to play like everything...

NEXT DAY......we are having a break from the class while we collect the lunch baskets brought by the parents and servants. My house was just next and I used to run home for lunch...chop my slate pencil into small pieces and mix it in the curry with rice before any of my parents or granny notice and eat and come back happily as they used to check my mouth and there is no way escaping if i eat it alone....well thats a whole diff story....

During this lunch box collection break time a dark lean thin woman of around 15 years..(dude! woman of 15years!!!!!!)..
Dude!!, i was only 6..she seems like woman to me right!
this woman came to me and said "hmmmmmmm...you wanna marry aaaaaa!" I was like "what the hell is she speaking!!!".........but it suddenly got struck that this stupid "wish would be" of mine complained in home about me...or she might merely said what i told ...or perhaps asked her parents that "what is a marriage?"....

Any how it got spread in home..I slowly understood that this woman girl was the maid of my "wish would be" and was just teasing me or perhaps threatening me..I felt "ahhh......she can do nothing" because she was sweet too and like pampering me..lol

but she suddenly said"you boy...wait and see...her mom is in office and soon she gonna come and scold you".............What...!!!!!!

My heart bounced up and started to beat as loud as it could be..and her mom came...she was very huge...very big...but fair and chubby same as prasamsa...
She was wearing a light pink Saree and bent striaght in to me and warned me something pretty scary and teaching me what we should talk etc etc..Although i was pretty scared and listening to what she was saying..........................,
I was completely focused on watching the number of sweat drops on her nose...:P!!!!!!!!!!
Then i figured from where prasamsa got that nose...All the time her mom was talking, i simply stood wondering those drops on her huge nose.............

after all.......boys will be boys.....:P


my honey is empty by now and there is alot more to write..but not now...

bye...

Suicide me not

Suicide me not…..

Have you ever thought of ending your life?

Never!

You may not necessarily read this….

but………

It’s believed that every man/woman in the course of life encounters the idea of SUICIDE at least once. This sounds pretty debatable or contradictory..but I am not here to prove it.

Place your hand on your heart and ask yourself…

Haven’t you ever thought, at least for a fraction second to end your life?

Most of us do…right! (not all….so pls don’t sue me)

All of us have a way to bring it in mind…

I too have as I am no exception. Situations with out solutions make me think ending my life is the best way to deal. I am pretty ashamed to admit that the strongest reason I felt was to make someone special realize me. This way that someone might understand that I am pure at my heart and my care for them is more than my life. That was the longest period that stayed in my mind of around 2days to commit. After much distress and depression, I almost went blank while I was soaking in the rain. 1hour later, my eyes couldn’t accompany the rain anymore. Only thing that went in ma mind is to move 14steps ahead and jump from there. I could hear the collision of cold drops on my head and that little pain diffused and disappeared in no time. Heart lost coordination with mind. Heart has nothing to think anything anymore. Mind is at its work as no1 can stop the never sleeping mind. Its calculating the parabolic path I would be falling, the possible damage that could occur and showing me numerous falling styles so that my head first hits the iron bore tap and the rest of the body crushed to it.

Mind never shows you dead. Don’t agree? Did you ever see your own dead body in your dreams? No!..obviously!................yes!..then who is watching the dead body dude! Soon the body would be some1 else’s. This is because mind knows pretty well that if the body is dead..mind too is dead..little bit complex..but figure it yourself(wooooooo! im not saying to experience death dude! Just think abt it)…

I was about to take the support of my hand to lift jump my whole body but first I wanted to see how it would be like( a pretty strong symptom that my mind don’t wanna die). So I bent my self down holding the wall strongly so that it resembles my view when I was falling. Everything was fine..lets do it..i said to myself…The next second mind asked heart. “ will your death fulfils its purpose?”, Heart said. “donno..may that some1 realize my love after death”

Mind:”how will friends and class react”

Heart:”friends may feel sad.colg might stick my photo but soon every1 forgets it”

mind:“How will mom react to it?”

heart:”She will cry and cry and…and…....donno”

mind:”how will dad receive it?”

heart:”……mmm………mmmm………”

Heart went blank coz Dad loves me the most. I couldn’t even imagine how dad will react or respond. Mind is still active and started to feel my self as dad. I was there standing some where around in a room (some place where dad might be at that place). All of sudden I fell to my feet. Not dad, me!..my very body collapsed down. Mind and heart both went dumb..blank…for a second and suddenly started to cry as heavy as that rain while mind was consoling the heart….

I went back and slept peacefully. All those mind’s parabolic paths were to show heart the pain and suffering I might have and convince it.

This is what happens every time when one really wanna quit life.

Mind will always try to scare heart and people who are phobic to pain and blood change mind and go back shivering………..awesome

Some times strong determination, depth of problem or physical suffering overcome this stage and forwards to next stage.

At this time mind ask the heart similar questions as above. Partner,child,parent or anyone who loves you will surely help deep down.

Some believe in god so strongly unlike me..for them(GOD stands first above family and friends in love)..

“In Christianity, suicide is a sin. You are interfering with the god’s cycle and obstructing his rule. You are sent to hell right away.”

“Similar in the Islam too. It’s like disbelief in god. God will punish you.”

“In Hinduism, suicide is similar religious crime as murder.”

Life is a gift one has got. Hundreds of people survived in worst situations than us.

Just believe that although every problem is not solvable, they go down with time.

See what all mind shows when you are hurt and please try to hear the helpless voice of Mind pleading heart till the last chance

“SUICIDE ME NOT……..”